I think I'll begin by stating what it is that most men are looking for. We're not out to have torrid encounters (although sometimes, that's nice ;) ) nor, to build some type of harem. No — most men would just like to find a nice girlfriend, loyal and pleasant. Ironically, it's much the same as what most expect from their dog. But, that's another story.
Question 1: Do men desire marriage?
Answer: Yes
Men devote themselves to their spouses, and will frequently place their spouses needs and wants ahead of their own.
Question 2: Do women desire marriage?
Answer: Yes.
But after a while (often... a very short while) many women will decide that they're just not happy in their marriage. They get a lot of help with this: they'll often meet up in groups with other women (after-work or after a sport's event drink, girl's night-out, etc), single, and sometimes even married, who will attempt to convince your spouse that 'the grass is greener on the other side' : they can see that she's really not happy and she should leave/divorce you. The truth is, women hate seeing other women happy and doing well in marriage. This tag-team of women giving their opinions likens to that old episode of Seinfeld where Jerry says to George:
"you need some help, but a regular psychiatrist couldn't even help you. You need to go Vienna or something, know what I mean? You need to get involved at the university level, like where Freud studied... and have all those people looking at you, and checking up on you. That's the kind of help you need. Not the once a week for 80 bucks. No! You need a team. A team of psychiatrists working around the clock, thinking about you, having conferences, observing you. Like the way they did with the Elephant man."
You may chuckle at the comedic reference, and truth be told, I only included it to garner a smile. But after several(or more) of these tag-team sessions with their girlfriends, the seed gets planted, I was married once. That relationship lasted about 7 years.
I had 2 other, what I'd call 'major' relationships—both of these women worked in the field of law—one was a Court Reporter, the latter: an International Trade attorney. The attorney was my last. It lasted nearly 15yrs, and we raised a son together. He was a great kid, that grew up to be a fine man.
As noted: the last one, the lawyer, developed into the same type of individual that both the Court Reporter and my ex-wife became: they all want to KILL me1
Now, it should be understood; I NEVER raised a hand to any of them. The police never came to any of our homes while we were together.`
` So, you're probably asking yourself: why do they want to kill him?
And to understand, I'll have to give you some background on some of the things I have learned about women over the years.
After you meet a woman, and she decides that she wants you, she'll tell you that you're exactly what she has been looking for. However, when you hear this, be prepared. This is the point where she'll begin to start shaving away your rough edges.
You know those trophies you won, that are sitting there on the shelf, in the living room? Well guess what? She may have told you that she'd look at them later, but actually, later never comes. Your hard earned trophies are destined for a box that you'll be taking to storage. That shelf will find better use as a holding place for pictures of you and her, eventually broadening out to include pictures of her sister and her husband.
You know that old robe you like. It's large, and warm, and perfect to lie around your living room in, while you're watching Star Trek, The Next Generation.
Guess what: you'll try to find it some Sunday morning, and it'll be gone; replaced by her suit and pants (she'll need to clear those dresser drawers too, there's just too much clutter, and she needs drawer space for her stuff).
AND, I forgot: she changed the dvr from recording Star Trek, TNG, to recording 'Mad About You." And she assures you, just give Mad About You a chance. You'll see, it's a better show than Star Trek.
And besides, if you do all these things, she'll be in a better mood, and into doing those things you enjoy so much. As a quick aside: that's the part that usually gets me to cave.
And before you know it, she's reeling you in, like the fish that you are.
After a while, all of the relationship becomes a battle of wills. At least with me, it did. I was willing to do things on a 50/50 basis, but when near everything was her way, or no way, I, like the French Underground, just had to resist.
And the battles began.
The lawyer was the hardest battle, but believe me: primitive man learns!
Here's how you win any discussion: you trot out your facts at the onset, subtly, at the very beginning of your discussion.
Then, you get her to agree to these points.
Then, you can go Charge of the Light Brigade in your arguments. Not so much loudly, but forcefully, assertive.
And when she disagrees, and tries to throw a monkey wrench into the machinery of your argument, you quietly remind her that she has already agreed to the point you're making, at the beginning of the discussion.
You need only say "no honey, remember, you already agreed that ……."
You wouldn't believe the fury in the lawyer's eyes the first time I employed this strategy.
Works every time.
And let me say, for 12 some years, I never won an argument, no matter how right I was.
Be aware, she figured out a loophole. She'd begin crying. Then I became the bad guy who made her cry. Didn't I realize that she doing these things because she loved me… etc.
At first, I'd kick myself. I could almost feel a tear welling up in my eye. How could I be so rotten?
It was only later that I realized that I'd been had.
One time, I used this strategy to insert one major point in to an important discussion.
And then, the real beast was revealed: she jumped up, enraged. She screamed FU at me.
It was only later when I realized that she had NO respect for me, when it came to what she wanted. There was no reasoning with her: it was her way, or the highway.
So there, you have it. Use the technique of laying your point out first, and then steer back to it, reminding her that she already conceded this point.
You'll win the argument, if only for a while.
